11/11/18 Breathe.

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It’s Saturday afternoon, I’m sitting on a little hill with a view of mountains, fall colors, the ability to just breathe and a sunset in Connecticut. It’s always so amazing and weird to leave the city and be in nature and quiet. You never get quiet in the city, life never slows down. So sometimes I forget that there’s another slower life out there. Lately I’ve noticed myself daydreaming all the time about my life in the future. What college I’ll go to, where I’ll live, what job I’ll have, I have ideas and dreams of what I want but as I’ve learned very well, nothing turns out the way you think it will. I feel like i’m in this weird holding point until my life seems like it will really start, once i leave home. Junior year is weird because you start really thinking about your future and you feel so close to it, like you can almost just reach it but you aren’t quite there yet.

Every day I take the subway to school. I’m squished between people on every side of every race and every background and social class and that’s when I feel most away from home but also the most grown up. If you can navigate the NYC subway system and feel comfortable enough to take it all the time you might just be ready for whatever life throws at you. Some of my scariest moments have been on the subway but some of the most beautiful moments have been on the subway. When you catch a baby smiling at you or you get a chance to just close your eyes for a minute and take a deep breath or my favorite, watching a person who doesn’t have much give what little they have to a person begging for money. That will easily bring you to tears.

Another amazing thing about NYC is that almost everyone comes to perform here. Ellie and I went to see one of our favorite bands “LANY” last weekend. I’ve found that when i’m at a concert hearing the music that i’ve listened to in my ear buds 100 times or the music that has gotten me through the hard times and good times, that’s when i’m most happiest. Music is so spiritual and influential in my life, I don’t even think i’d be the person I am today without it. So the fact that I have these opportunities to hear live music is something i’m so thankful for. Three of my favorite songs right now that help me meditate or just stop and breathe that I highly recommend are “To build a home” by The Cinematic Orchestra, “Revelation” by Troye Sivan and “Ballad of the dying man” by Father John Misty. Taking walks through the Upper West side and listening to this beautiful music is what really helps me get through these tough times.

I think some days it really just feels like a race to the finish line. The day I have my dream job, a perfect life partner, a family, a filled up passport, etc. Somedays dreaming about that future life I think is good because it motivates me to work hard, it brings me joy and it helps me block out all the negative energy knowing how successful I can be one day. But some days I think we all have to remember that it’s not a race. It might be hard right now but you are going through your current journey to help prepare you for the next Journey. I’ve been thinking about how fast life goes. One day you might look back on this moment and really wish you could go back to it.

So don’t take anything for granted, slow down, enjoy the life you are living and just BREATHE.


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